Not Listening

I read Oswald Chambers regularly. Sometimes every day. Sometimes I miss a couple of days and read things later. I get an email daily from "My Utmost for His Highest," so I can catch up if I miss. Often Chambers really gives me a kick in the pants. Today I read this in my email:

We do not consciously disobey God, we simply do not heed Him. God has given us His commands; there they are, but we do not pay any attention to them, not because of willful disobedience but because we do not love and respect Him.

 Wow. I often don't heed God because I don't have the love and respect for Him that I should. That really hit me. But Chambers wasn't finished with me yet.

We show how little we love God by preferring to listen to His servants only. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we do not desire that God Himself should speak to us. Why are we so terrified lest God should speak to us? Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing must be done or we must tell God we will not obey Him. If it is only the servant’s voice we hear, we feel it is not imperative.

I often choose to listen to (or read about) what others say related to God and His Word. I don't choose to read the Word myself and listen carefully to what it says. Why? Because then I would have to do something about it or deliberately choose to disobey. When I read something or hear something, I can think that it is just someone else's opinion and discount the truth in it.

I do read the Bible daily. But I sometimes read it to "check off" that from my task list and move on. I don't really listen or heed the word. I'm not trying to be disobedient but just don't have the respect and love for God that I should.

I wasn't going to write today. But when I read this, I knew I had to admit here that I don't heed as I should, that I make excuses far too often, that I disregard the truth that someone speaks because I don't want to hear it.

I'm finding that my search for joy is leading me to be deeper in my relationship with Him. I'm making a "March resolution" to truly listen - to pay attention to what God is saying and to joyfully obey.