Not About Emotion

This has been quite a week. I have felt extremely happy. I have been lower than I can even remember. All in the same week. My heart bursts with joy as I sing with young children and move around and hear their laughter and their comments about things. My heart breaks at ending relationships and failed reconciliations and hurt feelings.

I'll admit it--I tend to be an emotional kind of guy. I'm not sure why but things can hit me very deeply. I get anxious because I want to fix things that just cannot be fixed and help things be "happy" that won't be. So ups and downs are a little normal for me.

But this week, Cindy reminded me that sometimes you just have to let things go. "Easier said than done," I commented (and that's true). But also I have to remember that it's not about how I feel or what I can do. Ultimately God is the one in control. He has it in hand. He will lead me through to whatever end I need to reach.

It's not about emotion; it's about trust in Him.


P.S. For the time being, I'm going to continue to post some thoughts daily. January was for joy. February will not be thematic but will be real.

Pen to Paper

This month of discovering or recognizing joy has been very revealing to me. First, joy is always there. Even in the lamenting times, I see the joy of God or others sustaining and bringing me through. Second, joy can be just about anything that brings light to you. So, as I think about this final day of seeing the joy, I know just what to focus on.

I love writing. I love the feel of pen or pencil or paper. I like to see the words appear on my screen as I type. I see the joy of having something that didn't exist before (and maybe needs not to exist again!). Writing is a personal joy.

When I'm frustrated, I write. When I'm happy and excited, I write. When I don't know what to do, I write until I get an idea. I enjoy writing scenes and scenarios that will never see the light of day, lurking in my notebook or folder, waiting to be read again when I stumble across it. I enjoy writing poems and playing with words. I like writing songs for preschoolers to sing. I write Bible studies and blog posts and notes. I write things that no one else ever reads, that only Cindy reads, and that post that maybe no one reads. I like to get reactions to what I've written but the joy comes by putting fingers to keyboard or pen to paper.

The joy comes from using a talent that I've been given. We each have something that we do that brings joy--singing or playing music, painting, sewing, building things, molding clay, dancing. Those creative joys can fill the dark corners, helping us find a path to joyful living.

And, as a writer I must give the warning: Be careful what you do; it may end up in a story I write.


Today's Joy: Writing and creating

She's My Daily Joy

Throughout this joy exploration, I've been reminded about two constant, daily joys in my life. First is God and His Word. No matter what happens, He gives joy, deep abiding joy that only He can give. Second - my wife is a continual source of joy to me.

The above picture is one of my Christmas gifts from her.  Every time I see it, I smile. I love it. It makes me think of her every day as I work. (I have to post this instead of a picture of her. She won't let me photograph her or at least share photos of her.)

Cindy gives me joy. She laughs at my stupid jokes (even after all this time of marriage). She reminds me of blessings we have in our lives. When I get anxious or distracted, she calms me or kicks me in the pants or both at the same time. She listens when I whine or have legitimate concerns. She gives wise counsel. She challenges me to think about things. She does so many things for me, without asking and without much in return.

She's been my joy for more than 31 years. (That sounds like a long time!) Last year when I could have lost her, I learned even more how much joy she gives me. I only hope that I can return a fraction of joy that she brings to me.

I often hear about people talking about "their other half." Cindy is definitely the one who fits me, who gives me strength in areas where I lack and pulls the best from me for what she needs. I can honestly say she's my daily joy, a true gift from God.

Today's Joy: My wife; I think I'll keep her.

When Something Works

I take a lot of pictures with my phone. Well, not so many now. But I like to take photos of things that I see the kids doing and things they enjoyed.

I was looking through my camera roll today, searching for a certain picture. I saw the one on this page. It's a shot from yesterday's music class; we made bell sticks.

I wanted the kids to make instruments to use with our rhythm activities. I had one idea in mind...and then I saw a picture of something like this on Pinterest. I wanted to do it. So I purchased sticks and beads and chenille stems and bells. I experimented with it and decided to do it.

The kids really loved it. I think they would have made these for the whole hour if I let them...and if I had a few more sticks. I also brought out the markers so they could color the sticks if they chose.

One guy began shaking his as hard as possible - and the chenille stem flew off the stick. (I had tape...just in case.) We taped some of them just to make them more secure.

The kids enjoyed shaking their bells sticks to songs and with the rhythm patterns We didn't have much time to use them because we enjoyed making them for so long. Now they are tucked away in the cabinet, ready for next week. We'll use them for a few weeks and then the kids can take them home.

Just seeing the picture made me smile. I love it when something works out!

Today's Joy: Bell sticks that work...and the photo of them.

Too Old for This?

My new driver's license arrived. In the picture I look like an old man. Well, I guess I am an old man - I have gray hair and a white beard. Most days I feel like I should be still in my 30s or so. I think I can take on just about anything that I've always done.

And then there are other days - like today. I got up this morning not feeling very well. A cold or something. I get moving a little slow. I wonder if I'll be able to lead kids in music effectively. I feel tired.

But something happens when I get into the room with the kids. I don't know if I pull energy from them (because they seem to have an endless supply). But when I'm in a room, playing music and clapping rhythms and moving to songs and so forth...I feel like I can anything. Occasionally I even fall on the floor with the kids. (Well, maybe once but that's it.)

Today at the end of our music time, we were moving to a favorite song "All Fall Down." It's a building song. First we clap and then fall down. Next we make a face, clap, and fall down. And so on, adding movement each time, building up to the falling down each verse. As we finished the song, one boy said (lying on the floor): "I'm getting too old for this!"

When I heard that, I felt that I would never be too old to enjoy time with boys and girls.

Today's Joy: Spending time with kids and music

Joy and Sadness

I am sad today. What led me to looking for joy this month were some sad things at the end of the year. Today I had some sad news, some sad circumstances, sad situations. It seems that every gathering I was a part of had some sad tinge to it today. I think sometimes it's just like that. And that's when I need to search for the joy even more.

I thought back over this day and past days. The one thing that came to mind over and over is the book of Psalms. I've been reading through the Psalms this month, 5 psalms each day. Often when I think about the book of Psalms, I think of praise to God. After all, the book is a book of songs.

While there are shouts of praise, there are also lines of lament. There are confessions and confusion along with the adoration and adulation. Words of worship and worry, comfort and crying, thankfulness and thoughtful questions.

I noticed that even in the times of lament, praise and joy leak through among the verses. And in my times of sadness, I can see the spark of God's joy peeking through.  The shadows of my sad situations enhance the glow of the joy that comes in even the smallest packages.

Can there be joy in the lament? He turns the lamenting into joy.

Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:11)

Today's Joy: The lament that heightens His joy

Just a Quick Stop

For the past few weeks, Cindy and I have tried something new. Cindy orders groceries online at Walmart and we go pick them up. She logs in on the app. A young man or woman comes out when we arrive to verify our name. Then they bring out the bags and load them into our car.

I enjoy going to the grocery store. I like spending time wandering the aisles and selecting what we need. I like having the time to think about things or think about nothing at all but what to purchase for dinner the next week. Going to the store has been a joy in the past for me.

But now, I need the time for other things. Since I've added a few more things to my schedule, it is more difficult for me to find the time to wander the store. We tried online shopping as a stopgap one week and now we really like it. I've met some really nice young adults who load groceries into my car. While I still must take time to drive to the store and back, the time to pick up is so much less than shopping for myself.

Letting others "do things" for me is a struggle. But I've learned in the past months that allowing others to help isn't a sign of weakness. It's wise to let others do things if possible and free up time and space for other things - things that people cannot do for you.

Sometimes is a joy to let go and be served.

Today's Joy: Online grocery shopping and pickup