Choices

Where do you do your best thinking? Or maybe your most thinking? For me (Scott), it has to be when driving. (Especially alone. Cindy likes me to talk to her when we're traveling around town together.)

Recently I heard a song that included lyrics about making choices and having regrets. I began thinking about that. A lot. I certainly regret making choices to sin, doing those things that break my connection with God.

But, aside from those choices, I pondered if there are choices that I regretted, that I would do differently if faced with the same choice again (even knowing what I know now that resulted from those choices). For example, would I still go to teach first grade (knowing that I would be where I am today - outside the classroom and working freelance)? I really thought about it. And yes, I would.

I really felt that God was leading me to teach in the classroom then. I really see His work in my life - then and now. While I don't think I would have chosen to be a self-employed writer for two years at this point in my life, I have learned many things about myself (some good, some that show areas that need work). I have learned many things about trusting God and growing spiritually - mostly that I need to do more of both.

I look back at other choice points in my life. Would I still choose to do what I did? For the big things, yes. Would I handle some things differently? Of course. Most of those instances are due to the fact that I'm a different person now than I was then. But, then again, those "mistakes" are what led me to grow and be able to handle those things in different, more mature, ways.

Sometimes I wish I was in a different place than I currently am. But I wouldn't be the same person writing this blog post as I am. In fact, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog at all.

Sometimes I think "if only." (If only I'd done ____, then ____.) But I know that God is Sovereign. I love this quote from Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges:

"God has no 'if onlys.' God never makes a mistake; God has no regrets. 'As for God, his way is perfect' (Psalm 18:30). We can trust God. He is trustworthy."

If I truly believe God is in control, I can rely on Him. I can trust His leading. I can make choices and know that God will be in the choice and in the result. I can put aside regret or doubt and look for ways to honor Him and see His work in the place I am.

He Is Risen!

Jesus is risen! God loved us and sent Jesus into the world. Jesus died for our sins. He rose again to conquer death finally.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Today I pray you would experience the peace and joy that comes from God through His risen Son, Jesus.

Happy Easter!

My Ministry Now

"Whoever welcomes one child like this in My name welcomes Me." (Matthew 18:5)

We are in an interesting season in our lives right now. Sometimes it feels like a holding pattern or a waiting room. But God is continuing to remind us that this is where we are supposed to be at this time. This is where we are called, what we have been led to be and do. This moment in our journey is to be savored just as much as any other we've had or will have.

Recently I (Scott) have had a couple of experiences that have reminded me that I'm doing important ministry right now. I'm not waiting. I'm serving in a different capacity. In my Sunday School class, I had a sobering conversation with two children. We were sitting at the writing table; they were drawing and writing. I noted that one child was writing words, a note. I've seen this child writing before, always a note to her father.

"You can't read it," she said to me. I assured her that I would only read notes when she said it was okay. But when I glanced, I did notice words like "miss you" and "I love you." (I promise. I didn't read the note.) She told me again that her father had left, moved out. She missed him and was writing to him. At times like this I don't ask questions. I affirm what is said and just listen.

After that, her friend said something about her father. Then she told me this story (not a literal transcript): When the floods came, she was a baby. Her mother took her upstairs to be safe from the flood. Her dad watched her. Later, he didn't want to watch her anymore. He went back to Mexico. "No one knows where he is in Mexico," she said.

Then, this week while tutoring at a school, a child said to me: "My daddy doesn't do things daddies should do." Really that's all the comment he said.

God is showing me that teaching in Sunday School and that volunteering to read or play games or practice math with young children are important ministries. I can be a listening ear for young children. I can be a positive male role model for some children. I cannot replace a significant adult in a child's life, but I can be another adult friend who listens and shows interest.

And what greater task could I be given? To be meaningful to a child. I hope I can do that. I hope I can fulfill the ministry God has called me to.

Favorite Sound

An interviewer regularly asks the ten questions on the Pivot Questionnaire. One of those questions is "What sound do you love?" For some reason, this particular question popped into my (Scott) head recently in my Sunday School class. And I knew the answer.

I love to hear young kids say my name. How wonderful it is to hear "Mr. Scott!" (or "Mr. Wiley") spoken in a small voice.

A boy who had been out of Sunday School for several weeks was back. Throughout the morning, he was say, "Mr. Scott, look at...." I had to smile each time I heard it.

As I thought about it this week, another thought entered my head. Does God feel the same? Does He have an emotional response when we speak His name? Well, maybe emotional isn't the right word. God is God and not like us. But we know that God is love. Does He feel that love when we speak His name?

Often I don't call on God's name or ask Him to be a part of what I'm doing. I go though my day and don't give a lot of thought toward Him as I do the things I need to do, choose to do. Just blind neglect of His presence wherever I am and whatever I'm doing.

Or maybe I don't want Him involved in what I'm doing. Maybe I'm afraid of what He would say or do with it.  Or tell me not to do it.

Maybe I'm over-thinking it. But I do know that I need to call on His name more. Think about Him more throughout the day.

My young friend called my name so I could experience things with Him. I need to do that with God. I need to call on God to be with me as I write or read or run errands, as I go about my daily tasks. Isn't that a life that's abundant, lived to the full? (John 10:10) A life that's connected with God. Maybe He's waiting to show me how much more my days could be.

If only I speak His name.

Provider of Hope

Merry Christmas! I hope you and your family are enjoying the holidays together. At this season, we think of the hope that Jesus brought when He came as a little baby. 

This is a devotion that I (Scott) wrote for our church's Advent book. 

The woman looked at her situation; it was hopeless. Her husband was dead. The creditors were calling. She could not pay. They were going to take her two sons. She went to the prophet and told him about her hopeless situation. Elisha asked what she had in the house. “A jar of oil,” she said. I’m sure the voice was not confident, probably hopeless.

Elisha told her what to do. Gather as many empty containers as she could and begin pouring the oil. The woman obeyed. The oil continued to flow until every container was full. Then it stopped. “Go and sell it,” Elisha said. “Pay your debt. Live on the rest.” (2 Kings 4:1-7, HCSB) God provided what the woman needed in her hopeless situation.

All of us are like the woman; we are born in a hopeless situation. We have a great debt—our sin—that we cannot pay. The “creditor” is coming to take the only things we have, our lives. God provided what all mankind needs for this hopeless situation. He sent His Son to be born. Jesus lived a sinless life. He died on the cross, paying the debt we could never pay. He rose, conquering death once and for all. He fills the empty hearts that call on Him. He turns our hopelessness into eternal hope.

We can rest in this eternal hope. But what happens when we find ourselves struggling with hope day to day? Recently my wife and I have found ourselves in circumstances similar to the woman’s. Neither of us have full-time, regular jobs. But we still have expenses. God has provided. He has taken what we have and continues to help fill our containers. Our oil continues to flow and we continue to have more than we need to meet our obligations. God provides what we need.

God is the provider of our hope—hope in the deliverance from sin and eternal death and hope in our day-to-day needs. This Christmas we can celebrate the God of hope and His Son, the Savior, Jesus.

I pray the hope of God is yours now and throughout the next year.

Some Days

This current point in my life journey has been an interesting one. I (Scott) write and edit every day. I volunteer in classrooms and a reading clinic throughout the week. I teach my church kindergarten class each week. It's certainly been different from years past.

Some days I really miss being with kids all day. Those couple of years in the classroom were challenging at times, but I did enjoy being with the kids. I miss the frustrating joy that is teaching elementary kids.

Some days I miss being in an office with like-minded people. I worked with a wonderful group of leaders who loved kids and loved creating resources to teach them. (Many of those people are still doing that wonderful work.) I miss the crazy stress of the publishing world.

Some days I stare at the blank screen and wonder. I wonder about writing here in this space or on the assignments whose deadlines are looming. I wonder if the words will come, words that will be worthwhile and that I will want to send on for someone to read. I wonder about the challenge of writing alone at my desk.

Some days I'm reminded that it doesn't take much to make an impact. A quick hug or shy smile from a child in the class where I volunteer. A group of waving kindergarten hands as I leave after playing a game with them. The confidences whispered to me by my reading buddy. Today he told me things that were bothering him. Things that others did that he cannot control. Maybe small things but things he wanted to tell.

I'm reminded that reading clinic can be about more than decoding words and practicing fluency. It's a relationship between me and my student. We share stories (both from books and each other). He asks questions. I listen to concerns. He shows me the library books he's chosen this week. We laugh as we recall Mudge's look in the first book we read together.

On those days I don't wonder. I know that each moment is a gift. Each moment is important in and of itself. That moment may not become something grand to be recalled years from now. It may just be a moment. But it may become a memory. Either way, it's important now.

And that's enough for each of the "some days" I have now.

A Difference

Have I (Scott) made a difference? I guess that question comes up when you're at that middle stage of life, as I am. It has come up more frequently for me since I'm between jobs, working as a freelancer. Some days I look back and wonder if I've made much of an impact--on anything or anyone.

I worked in a publishing company for 15 years. But I recognize fewer and fewer people when I visit there. And little of my work is still around. I volunteer and teach a kindergarten class at my church. But not much tangible results are seen in that. I love it each week. But those five-year-olds grow and move beyond my class, and I wonder if I've made much impact.

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking down the hall at my church thinking some of these thoughts. I walked down the stairs. At the bottom, a young man was holding the door. As I walked out I thanked him. He looked at me. Suddenly a smile bloomed across his face.

"Hey," he said. "You were my teacher. My kindergarten teacher."

"Yes, I was," I said. He smiled broadly at me again.

My thoughts shifted as I walked to my car. Each week my kids and I have fun and we learn. We explore and investigate and play. We paint and stack blocks and read. We create memories.

I may not win an award or have a famous name. But I get to spend time with boys and girls. Maybe something we did will bring a smile to the face of an adult one day.

That's a difference to be proud of.

(Honorable mention in the Dear Reader contest.)