Four years ago I was eating hospital turkey dinner with my mom in Cindy's rehab room. Cindy was recovering from a serious bout with pneumonia that led to damaged lungs, hearing loss, and reduced mobility. But she was on the other side of things, getting better and soon to be released. I was thankful.
This year I ate a quiet dinner at home, food homemade by Cindy. We talked and laughed and enjoyed the day together. She could hear with her implants. She could move around to cook. I am thankful.
Over the past several year, Cindy and I have seen God provide. We have had times that were lean. We have had times that were plentiful. We've experienced different kinds of challenges along the way. But the consistent thread through it all is that God is faithful. We have what we need, and usually more. He has taught us to depend, to trust, and to be thankful.
This year I have been rereading Philippians. One section in chapter 4 strikes me every time. (Maybe not the same way each time, but I notice it every time.)
I don't say this out o need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
Paul writes that he has learned contentment in whatever his life is at the moment. Being content rubs hard against our culture. Our culture says, "You deserve the best. You should have more. What you have is okay but what they have is so much better and you deserve to be like them." It seems the American dream is built on discontent. The American dream and the Kingdom of God are not the same thing.
Whenever I read about Paul's contentment, I do a check on myself. I can truly say that I am content - what I have is enough and always has been enough (even if it's not the same quantity). God has always provided for us and we've never lacked what we needed. Yes, we have lacked what we sometimes wanted - we lacked when compared to peers - we have struggled from time to time, but always had what we needed.
When I look around at my life, I feel like the psalmist in Psalm 23: "The Lord is my Shepherd; there is nothing I lack."
Am I always content? No. I have to relearn this particular truth from time to time. I seem to forget what I "know" and God brings me back to it. (Like a three-year-old, I guess!) Recently as I've been thinking about these things, I realized something else - discontent is often the root cause of our troubles. Discontent shows our individual weaknesses and that is where temptation attacks. I feel discontent at the way people at work treat me and that breeds anger and resentment. I'm discontent with what I have and that leads to coveting things and taking actions to get those things. Where I feel discontent is a spiritual weakness.
Paul speaks of this, too. He writes: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." We often use this verse to communicate that Jesus helps us do anything. But read again the context Paul writes this. It's part of his comments on contentment. I've begun looking at this verse differently. Through Jesus, I can be content with whatever I have (abundance or lean times, exciting or quiet, overflowing or just enough). With that contentment, any discontent is dispelled and any spiritual weakness is strengthened. With Christ we have the strength and ability to live and enjoy our lives just as they are. When we are not striving for more, we use our energy to be thankful for what we have and glorify God for who He is.
We have the strength to live in whatever circumstances because Jesus is enough.
Certain verses in the Bible always make me pause and thank God. Usually these are key verses that remind of God's salvation or God's love or Jesus' sacrifice. Romans 5:8 is all of these things.
I am always struck by the phrase "while we were still sinners." Jesus died for people who were enemies of God. Yes, through His death, He made it possible for people to come to God. But He provided this way for people not even looking for it.
Let's see that verse in its context:
For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. For rarely will someone die for a just person — though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8
Paul writes that someone may choose to die for a just person. Someone may choose to give his life for a good cause, a worthy good person. But that's not what Jesus did. He died for the ungodly. He died for those who chose to live in opposition to His Father. He died for us while we were still sinners and before we even had a glimmer of something that wasn't sinning.
The great love of God runs throughout the Bible, through Jesus' life on earth, culminating in the crucifixion and resurrection. Easter is God's love on display.
God's love calls. God's love convicts. God's love provides the faith we need to move from enemies to children of God.
Now I know you may find it hard to believe, but I (Scott) like the think about stuff. A lot. Sometimes over and over. And over. Recently I participated in the Overcoming Overthinking Challenge by Jon Acuff, based on his upcoming book Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking. It was great! And it made me think. (Surprise!) [[Note: I am not connected to Jon Acuff in any way. Except as a reader and follower.]
I've been thinking a lot about support and encouragement in regard to our ideas and dreams. Do you know what happens when a friend shares an idea or an accomplishment in a group of young kids? They respond with fascination: "Really? Can you show me how? Tell me what you did!" Kids may share their own experiences: "I did that too!" They give support: "That is really cool!"
How do many adults respond when someone shares an idea? "Good luck with that. Did you think about all these drawbacks that could happen? You're such a dreamer. That won't work. That's nothing new."
Kids offer support. Adults offer dynamite. (Okay, now I sound like Jon. I must have been listening to him too much lately!)
I want to be more kid-like. I hope I can be encouraging and supporting. I hope I can listen with a heart and mind that doesn't immediately demolish fragile starting points with problems and what ifs. Yes, I need to be honest when evaluating an idea - if that's what the person has asked me to do.
I wonder if this is what Jesus meant when he said that we must come to God's kingdom as little children. Children are filled with wonder. They trust and believe. They are ready for any adventure.
We adults are often cynical or doubting or defeated. We see a million ways things won't work or could go wrong. We want the roadmap instead of the journey.
In the preschool world, anything is possible. You try stuff, skin your knee once in a while, and keep at it. But you can't live that way in the adult world. Or can you? Isn't that what living a life of reckless obedience is all about?
[Jesus] said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3
I (Scott) love to write and I write different kinds of things - both for my job and on the side. Recently, God has been teaching me more and more about confession. We Baptists don't talk about confession. Well, we do talk about private confession of sins to God. But we don't talk about it much. And we certainly don't talk much about public confession.
Don't worry. I'm not going to start pouring out sinful secrets here online. I'm not advocating that. But God has been showing me that confessions more than just listing and apologizing for bad acts. Recently praying aloud and confessing my deep need for God is becoming an important practice for me. Expressing our estrangement from God and our need for His grace is something the church body should do - at least from time to time.
So, as I pondered and prayed on these things, I began to write a hymn - a hymn of confession. The hymn is based on Psalm 51 (David's Psalm of confession). This is a dual joy - joy in trying something new and joy in the response of forgiveness that comes from our confessions to God. I'm still tinkering with it, and probably will from time to time. As a writer, nothing is ever finished - just as good as it is for the moment! But I'm sharing it here. I welcome feedback, criticism, or comment on it.
I wrote it to go with the hymn tune "Beach Spring." Piano version from YouTube is below if you want accompaniment as you read it (or sing!).
Hear Me God, I Am a Sinner (R. Scott Wiley)
Hear me, God, I am a sinner, descendant of Adam's race
I have nothing I can offer but my shame and my disgrace
Against You and You alone, God, I've done evil in Your sight
Pride directs my sinful journey, choosing darkness over light
You are right when You pass sentence , Sinful I have always been
Blot out all of my transgression, Turn Your face from all my sin
Purify me, Lord with hyssop, Wash me whiter than the snow
Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, only one way this is so
On the cross's cruel punishment, Jesus took this sinner's place
Wrath was put upon His shoulder, He showed mercy and God's grace
Through His blood my guilty soul No longer judged but justified
Conquered death, the Resurrected Son of God is glorified
I stood by the gas pumps, filling my car with fuel. An icy wind blew against me - and felt like it went through me. We were traveling home and the weather had taken a wintry turn.
One thing my joy journey has taught me this year is that joy can be found in every circumstance. The Bible tells us this: "Count it all joy...." "Be thankful for everything...." I pondered these things as gas flowed into my car. Can I be joyful about the cold wind and weather?
I don't really mind cold weather - as long as I'm not standing out in it with an inadequate coat. But to be joyful about it?
The changing weather, the seasons from warm to hot to cool to cold, reminds me of the Creator God. He established the sun and moon, the seasons, the passing of time. He set in motion the movements of the earth, the tilt of its axis, the cycle of its life. He started time itself and created ways for us to see the time passing.
The chill reminds me of His power, His order, His sovereignty over all. In a world that often seems out of control, I can remember who has it all in His hand. Whatever happens is guided by Him.
I was listening to Pandora today. A specific song came on and I was immediately transported back about 6 years. That year I was struggling in a place where I was following a dream. But things were hard. Everything seemed hard. And every morning (it seemed) as I drove to my place, I heard a particular song*. That song gave me a boost to continue in what I was doing. I was reassured that, one day, things would fall into place.
I kept trying my best. I did all I knew to do and tried to do other things in new ways. I saw some successes and some failures. Everything was still hard. But I continued on.
Then my principal came into the room and told me he would not renew my contract for the next year. This was the same week my wife had a terrible car accident and lay in the hospital. And a couple of weeks after the principal had said he was renewing me. He changed his mind.
Driving to the hospital after work, I heard that song again. It seemed ironic and comforting at the same time.
As I heard the song today, I looked back at those 6 years. I rejoiced that the principal did not renew my contract. I know that if he had, I would have struggled in that teaching position for at least another year. I would have missed other opportunities that I now have. That failure (in my mind if not in actuality) was preparation for me today. Because of that struggle I now jump and move and dance with preschoolers. Because of those experiences, I ended up making a living as a writer and editor. Becoming self-employed freed me to care for Cindy then and later when she was so sick.
Today's joy is a past loss that led to so much more gain. (I rejoice in the God who holds all in His hand and directs us to successes and failures as He sees fit.)
