Friday, July 15, 2016
Back in April, our church had a conference to help us learn more about abiding in God. John Franklin, the speaker, said lots of great things but the one that stuck with me is that our lives should be "God" not "God and." So often we are dedicated to God and strive to commit ourselves to Him. But we keep "and" in the mix, too. Our joy or fulfillment is based on something in addition to God. But God wants us to be wholly (maybe even recklessly) dedicated to only Him.
This thought has been resonating (and rolling around) in my mind since. Then, recently I was reading My Utmost for His Highest and I read this: "Many of us do not go on spiritually because we prefer to choose what is right instead of relying on God to choose for us." I have been praying for God's will...and telling Him what that will is. I believe that I have been asking God to show me what He wants...and thinking in my mind the way He will answer - giving me a teaching job.
I have written about learning to be content. And yet I still seek to be something other than what I am right now.
So I have accepted that I am a writer and will not be a classroom teacher again. I'm okay with that.
It's been hard to let go of this particular thing. It's something I wanted for a while. I saw things fall into place and fully believe that God led me to be a classroom teacher for a short while. It's just been hard to firmly grasp that it was for just a short while.
No longer will I pray: "God, do Your will. And being a classroom teacher is that will for me." No more and. I will seek how to live for God as a writer and a volunteer and whatever other things He places in my path. I will let Him choose what I will do and stop trying to choose myself.
Being in an elementary classroom is not for me. Not now and maybe not ever again.
Being a early childhood writer is for me. Now and maybe for a while.
Being in God - needing nothing else - is for me. Every single day.